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The Adventure of Ren & Stimpy
 
Name: Black Hole; The Adeventures of Ren & Stimpy
Where:
Eisenhower Park; Milford, CT
Number of Boxes:
2
Placed By:
Letterboxer2002@yahoo.com on May 10, 2005
Distance:
1.5 Miles
Time:
1 Hour
Difficulty:
flat and easy with a few muddy spots
Directions:
Eisenhower Park is one mile North of Route 1 on route 121 in Milford, CT.
 

Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy begin this episode rocketing through space in their spaceship. Suddenly the ship is caught in the gravitational pull of a black hole and are being sucked into its vortex.

Commander Hoek: Captain's log, emergency report! We're fast being sucked into the hideous vortex... of a black hole! Our rocket engines are useless. We're trying everything, even manual override ... but to no avail! Our shipboard computer suggests one last alternative... "Start screaming".

Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy start screaming at the top of their lungs as they are stretched out of shape and twisted around as their ship is being sucked into the black hole. Finally, it is sucked in. We see a bizarre landscape and a vortex of light in the background. A bizarre sound sort of like laughing is heard and Ren and Stimpy appear on the ground in a flash of light. They slowly look around then at each other standing in front of the Eisenhower Park sign.

Ren: (Grabs Stimpy) We're alive! Alive I tell you, alive! Flesh and blood, not wax! Do you realize, we're the first dog and cat to pass through a black hole and live to tell the tale, and now here we are in this wonderous new universe, completely unaffected by the journey! We'd better scout around and do some exploring.

Stimpy: Yes sir! We'll split up!

Stimpy starts to walk in two directions at once and pulls apart into two copies of himself.

Ren: Good idea! What a great couple of guys he is.... WAAAAAH! Pull yourself together, misters!

The Cadet Stimpys eye each other and then one slowly climbs inside the other's mouth, who swallows and looks slightly embarrased. Stimpy takes out his space time doohickey and points at 333 degrees to a trail leading North East into the woods.

Stimpy: I think we should go that way.

Ren: YOU EEDIOT! I am Comander Hoak. I will tell you where we will go. Now, lets go that way!

As the trail snakes our heros pass the remains of a fitness trail. Shortly after, they come to a chainlink fence and make their way at 12 degrees to the backstop of a baseball field.

Ren: These must be the remnants of a culture that has taken the big sleep.

Stimpy: The big sleep... THE BIG SLEEP? THE BIG SLEEP! What's the big sleep, Ren?

Ren: ...THEY'RE DEAD! DEAD YOU EEDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS? JUST LIKE WE'LL BE IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF 'ERE!

Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy make their way along the left field line until a trails opens to the left. At a four way intersection, they stay straight under the powerlines and into the woods. At a 'Y' in the trail they turn right. When a trail crosses from right to left they stay straight. Finally, when a trail comes in from the right, they stay left for forty-five steps and take a trail on the right. Making their way to the top of the dirt mountain, they make a startling discovery.

Stimpy: (poking Ren) Uh ... Ren ... Ren ... REN!!

Ren:
Do you have to keep tapping like that, you bloated sack of protoplasm? What EEZ IT, man?

Stimpy:
That river ... it's made of ... ACID!

Ren: Everything's so clear to me now. We really need to get out of 'ere!

Ren & Stimpy make their way to the trail as it follows the flow of the river. At a large two sister tree on the right they follow a small trail on the left uphill to a fallen tree. Crossing over this tree, they continue uphill to the next fallen tree with its base supported by a boulder. They continue southwest along the rock wall to a warped two sister tree.

Stimpy: Boy, cap'n, I'm pooped.

Ren: Ok, I'm pooped too. We'll rest here.

Ren and Stimpy go to sit down on the rock wall to the left of the tree, and the bottom halves of their bodies disconnect and sit down, while the upper halves of their bodies float in midair.

Ren: Man, it feels good to sit down.

Stimpy: Boy, you said it, cap'n.

Stimpy starts picking his nose. Ren's eyes float off his head and bump into Stimpy's nose.

Ren:
Belay that nose picking, cadet!

Stimpy: Yes sir, cap'n, sir!

Stimpy lifts his hand to salute, and his nose detaches from his face and stays on the finger he was picking it with.

Ren: Captain's log, Cadet Stimpy and myself have begun to explore this strange new world. In fact, we feel strangely energized, and have picked up our pace a bit.

Stimpy:
But we are siting down?

Ren: YOU EEDIOT! Lets make our way back to that large two sister tree and follow the river.

Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy follow the trail along the rivers flow. As the river pours into a small pond they continue around the pond past a woodchipped trail on the left. Soon after the trail opens to a large field.

Ren: Captain's log, Cadet Stimpy and myself have begun to set out for a strange field. The closer we get to the field, the more we notice an odor. A repugnant, yet somehow delicious aroma. A stench, if you will.

Walking across this field at ~215 degrees over a small paved handicap spot, across the grass field ... until they realize ...

Ren: Now I see from whence the stench came! This field is nothing but a pile of stinky old gym socks!

Stimpy: (screams and says) It's my missing left sock! I've been looking for this everywhere! (Stimpy grabs a sock) I've got one just like it at home. We cats just love stinky socks. (Stimpy starts rubbing it on his head)

Ren: Left sock.. hmm... That's it! These are all left socks! This is where all the missing left socks in the universe go!

Ren picks up a pile and thinks. In his thought bubble we see Ren wearing a lot of medals.

Ren: Cadet Stimpy and myself find ourselves in a strange new universe, a world where the very physical laws of nature do not apply. We should keep moving. There is much more of this land to discover.

Stimpy: Uh, eye eye cap'n!

The camera pans onto Ren and Stimpy and we can see Stimpy's head is shaped like a cube and has one large, hideously swelled and veiny eye. Ren's is unusually tall and his head has orange lumps on the back, and he only has one eye. Continuing across the field, Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy come to a stony path marked by a red and white sign about dogs.

Stimpy: (gasps in awe) Oh My ... these people had dogs ... AS PETS!

Ren: THOSE SICK LITTLE MONKEYS!

Stimpy: At least in our world the children play with LOGS!

Stimpy is chewing on his sock, suddenly we hear a beeping. He swallows it and pulls out his tricorder.

Stimpy: Hey, cap'n, this space time doohickey says if we don't get to the trans-di-mensional gateway by three o' clock... we'll be trapped here forever!

Ren: three o' clock??? That's five minutes! How far away is the nearest gateway?

Stimpy: (pointing) that-a-way!

They follow the stony path as it bysects the powerlines and continues into a short stretch of woods and opens to yet another field. At a second dog sign they turn left and continue up a woodchip path. At the second rock wall ...

Ren: Got to... keep going... musn't... give up... HEY! Cadet Stimpy, we made it! Only twenty-five seconds to spare!

Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy sit on the rock wall to the right about 4 steps off the trail. Suddenly, the transdimensional gateway, which is a city bus, appears on the trail in front of them.

The Driver: (shouts) All aboard! Now departing black hole for Jersey City and all points up!

Ren and Stimpy slither onto the bus as they have mutated into slugs.

Ren: Cadet Stimpy, we made it! We're home free! Two tickets please!

Ren hands the driver a dollar.


Driver: Hey! Can't you read? (The driver points to a sign) Exact change only!

Ren and Stimpy are thrown off the bus as it disappears in a flash up the trail past the new fitness trail up the hill and onto route 121.

Stimpy: Now what do we do?

Ren: Well, we'll probably continue to mutate, and soon our very molecular structure will begin to break up. I'm sure our atoms will disperse slowly, throughout the universe. I guess it's hopeless.

Stimpy: Wait I have an idea! I can set this space time doohickey to our molecular wavelengths, switch it into reverse, and turn it up to full blast... and we'll simply implode!

Ren: Implode.... what's that?

Stimpy: Oh, sorry, cap'n, you're a layman, aren't you? I'll try to explain it in technical terms... Imploding is.... uh... well it's like... uh..... wait! I'll show you!

Stimpy makes a moaning sounds for a bit until his waist sort of collapses upon itself.

Ren: Stimpy, you're a genius! Stimpy, I can always count on you when the chips are down. All right, let's do it!

Stimpy fiddles with his tricorder for a bit.

Stimpy: Well, there you have it. In just five seconds, we implode!

Ren and Stimpy hug each other.


Ren: Been nice knowing ya. You're a good kid. See ya 'round, pal...

They both start to sing: Memmmories .... Stimpy pauses and puts his hand into his pocket. He takes out a pile of coins.

Stimpy: Oh, silly me. I had a whole pocketful of change, all along. Kinda ironic, huh Ren?

Ren starts to fume and growl at Stimpy when suddenly one of Stimpy's legs gets sucked into his body. His nose is next, until he collapses upon himself and is gone. Ren turns as his hat implodes onto his head. He then completely implodes, too.